Asheville H3

Hash Trash from Trail #11

                                                                                                        So who was there?    At least 22!    Our largest hash yet! 

Hash Flash pics located here! (courtesy of Gay Porn)

NFN Mike   NFN Renee   OB3    Gay Porn!   NFN Michelle      NFN Tom     Leave the Panties     Top Cum

Whip that Trick    NFN Emer      NFN Eric       Mount Hee      Taro       NFN Jane    NFN Robin    NFN Gillian

Wet Suits Me        Meat        NFN Jonathan       Beer Pimp        NFN Patrick      Hare - Jack the Ripper

AVL H3 Trail #11  (by Mount-Hee)

So what the hell is wrong with Jack the Ripper?  No one knows, but that really has nothing to do with this.  We started out as a purely gargantuan group, taking over the parking lot of the East Asheville Grill and acting like fools.  After a chalk talk, we were directed to circle up (a circle is something hashers seem wholly incapable of comprehending).  We pointed out the virgins so people were aware of who to molest, looked for new shoes, and made plenty of false accusations. 

After several more minutes passed without anything constructive, we were directed to start running.  After avoiding the speeding cars, and running along side the treacherous highway, we followed the flour up a steep embankment and onto the parkway.  After being thoroughly fucked by an entirely too long false trail, we all changed directions ran back up the parkway, and ducked into the woods.  The trail meandered for a little while before splitting off into the E and the T trails.  Naturally the E stood for "Eagle" and not "Easy" as any logical human might conclude (what dumb ass thought that one up).  All the masochistic fucks followed the "E" trail, while all those people with half a brain followed the "T" (or Turkey) trail.  The "T" trail naturally went directly to the beer check.  Those people stupid enough to follow the "E" trail were treated to half a mile up hill, followed by a poorly done check, causing half of the group to run another quarter mile up hill before finding the YBF.  The flour cut up a hill, and then back down the half-mile hill we had just run up, returning to river level, where the FRB almost got killed by a speeding train.  The trail crossed the river, met up with the "T" trail and on to the beer check. 

After destroying the beer supply, we continued on.  We followed the trail further into the woods, then down a hill to yet another check.  Relying on the FRBs (fucking retarded bastards) to follow all the false trails, we managed to find the true trail, and thus the shiggy began.  We dropped off the side of a hill, avoiding impalement on sharp limbs, and mostly not avoiding the briers, which proceeded to shred the legs of anyone wearing shorts.  We then tracked mud across the artificial turf of a soccer field, and followed the river for a ways before reaching yet another brilliant E/T split.  The "T" trail continued along the beautifully manicured, mud jogging trail, while the "E" trail dropped off a steep embankment and crossed the river on a fallen tree.  Naturally, all the idiots, I mean Eagles, decided the embankment option looked like a good idea.  We managed to get most of the group across with minimal wetness, not counting the two dogs that swam across.  Naturally the other side of the log was a brier thicket, which was an utter joy to navigate.  The trail continued around the corner and suddenly we were at the On Home.  The second half of the trail seemed really short, but I guess the hare is used to things being really short.

After sending someone for more beer (we were shocked and amazed that so many people would want to follow our shitty trails), and shuttling people to retrieve cars, we circled up for some religions.  The virgins were "honored," along with the hare, the FRBs, and the DFLs.  There was much pointing of fingers, wearing hats inside the circle, and use of the word "head."  More beer was consumed by those responsible.  After circle, people consumed more beer and sucked on some salty nuts, along with pretzels and a huge bag of popcorn that was attacked with great persistence.  Over all it was a shitty trail, and it was good to see so many people joining the group.  On, on to trail #12 "Shiggy in my pants" next Sunday.

Peace!